You remember that appointment with the psychiatrist which I've been anxiously waiting for so that I could have the referral to the Gender Identity Clinic?

Today I had it, and I got the referral. :D

Ladies and gentlemen (and those of other/no genders), Sophie Hamilton has arrived.

She's also going to ask my GP to write the letter I need to get the gender marker changed on my driving licence and passport. Which is awesome. :D

The next stop is: Charing Cross. Please mind the gap between the train and the platform.

(...in case you can't tell, I'm rather happy about this, to put it mildly.)

Hey, does anyone in the UK have any experience of graze.com? It sounds like a really good idea for me right now - I'm not eating terribly well, and when you combine that with depression, it isn't terribly fun to try to eat well. Having at least *some* fruit intake, catered to my tastes and split into small sections with home delivery sounds perfect. I'd probably only do one a week if I did it as it could get expensive otherwise.

But have any of you heard of it, or use it?

Also, while I have a code that allows me to get the first box free and the second half price, I understand that these codes work on a referral basis and the referrer gets a kickback from one being used, so do any of you guys have codes I can use to give you the kickback if I sign up? <3

A question for you all - I'm curious to see how many people know the answer to this.

Without Googling or looking at the YouTube comments, what connects all of these videos?

1. The music video for "Good Times" by Edie Brickell,
2. The trailer for the movie "Rob Roy",
3. The music video for "Buddy Holly" by Weezer.

[edit at 5:11pm - morti on LiveJournal got it! I won't reveal the answer just yet in case anyone on DW wants to try; I'll mention them too. :D]

Date: 2010-01-10 01:03 Security: Public Mood: sad Tags: everydns Subject: EveryDNS

Aw, crap. EveryDNS.net, my favourite free DNS provider and totally free, has been acquired by the company who owns DynDNS.

Why is this bad? Well, we know that DynDNS is focused on money, and EveryDNS is free. In addition, DynDNS already offers much the same service that EveryDNS does. It doesn't take much to realise that DynDNS are not going to want to punt money to buy something that will make them a loss; they're going to want to monetise it - or, more likely, coax people over to DynDNS.

I opened a support request. I'll edit this post when I hear back from them:

( The full text of my support request on EveryDNS )

[this is a public post on LJ]

I've just read of data loss *possibly* caused by a recent Windows update, and has so far been experienced by varying people on Windows XP, Vista and 7. Please read the article about it at Vitalsecurity.org, and this follow-up post.

If you have any information about it, or it's happened to you, please post about it on there; the more information that can be gained about it, the better.

[edit: I just made a comment on the first post with a transcript of the graphic they link to at the ending paragraph. It needs to go through moderation, but should appear soon. It just annoys me so much that a potential solution is linked to as a graphic. Come ON, people, accessibility isn't that hard. Heck, it was probably harder to screenshot than it would have been just to copy and paste...

Here's the transcript of the graphic, in case it doesn't make it through:

In my case Windows 7 did not delete the files, but for some reason moved them into a hidden system folder.
Enable hidden files and folder and then go to your D: drive (or whatever drive you originally stored the files on before the update) and look for a folder called $INPLACE.~TR . This is a hidden file that on my machine contained all of the files from this drive. I too thought all of my stuff was gone, but inside this folder you will find the structure like so: $INPLACE.~TR-> Machine-> DATA-> Your Files .
Hope this helps.

Date: 2009-12-25 21:14 Security: Public Mood: content Tags: big posts, christmas, gender identity, gender identity: meeting people, parents Subject: Christmas Day at my parents' place

Updating from my parents' place!

So, things are going much better than I could have hoped for. There were no disgusted looks, no comments on my appearance. There are name slip-ups, but that's to be expected and while I correct them on it each time (otherwise it won't sink in), it's obvious that they're really trying and I'm not angry at them.

My big Christmas gift was actually sent to me about a week prior via Amazon - a new GPS receiver to replace the old one that I lost! It's a really nice one, too. I knew it would be coming because my parents asked me what I wanted/needed for Christmas and I explained about how I lost my old one. (I wouldn't normally have asked except that they had said they were willing to spend more than usual on me this year as I was away from home.) I did give them a bunch of different options, and said that while I'd prefer the 550t, it was their money and I would be happy with the others I listed. They were happy to go for the 550t, so that's the new GPS I have. :D

So, for obvious reasons, when I came down there wasn't much else in the way of gifts, but I did get a lot of chocolate from different people (I had brought the Christmas presents I'd received from others down with me, unopened, so I could open them here). And my parents have evidently told my aunt and uncle about things as their card and present were addressed not only to the right name but the right title, too, as well as the card being correct. When I wrote an email to thank them for the present, I also made sure to thank them for this, as it means a lot more to me than they might realise, and I'm so glad that they're apparently cool with it.

Anyway, back to my parents... I haven't felt uncomfortable or stressed at all, and I haven't noticed any stress on Mum's part either, though she tends to be good at internalising it, I think. Dad says that he doesn't think she's stressed either, though, which is good. And like I say, it's so clear to me that they're trying.

So, I'm going to be staying here overnight. I wasn't originally planning to do this; I felt that one day would be enough as any more might stress us both out. And while it's true that I didn't bring any makeup with me for tomorrow, I'm also not going to be seeing anyone else tomorrow when I go back, and anybody who would see my face is going to do so as my car goes hurtling past them, so I don't really feel there'll be *too* much of a problem there. But I feel comfortable being here for the night. (It's also nice to be in my bed; the things you miss!)

That said, I still wouldn't be comfortable staying for too much longer, and I think it would be asking too much of my parents anyway. Sure, Mum isn't stressed right now, but she could become so given a day or two more. And I wouldn't want to stay in any case right now... so I'll go home tomorrow. But it's still longer than I planned to be here. :D

In short, all seems to be well and good. I cannot tell you how relieved I am that this is the case, seriously. I didn't know what to expect, really, but it wasn't really this. <3

A good Christmas day, for sure.

Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it! And whether you do or not, I hope you have a joyful and peaceful time. <3

I'm going to be seeing my parents tomorrow, on Christmas Day. It'll only be for one day, but I'm terrified they'll make some comment on my looks (as in, "You look nothing like female!"), or look disgusted at me, or some other thing.

At first I didn't know if it was a good idea to go down, but after thinking about it, plus some persuasion from Dad, I agreed to one day at most. My hope is that one day will reduce the stress levels experienced by both me and my parents; and also that, even if I *do* look crappy, they'll be able to see some change and that it'll be less of a shock to them than later on when I look rather different.

I'm really hoping that things go well.

[this is a public post on LJ]

So, the new LJ "promotion" is going on, and it's not really that great. Each Paid+ user gets 10 coupons for $10 off a new Paid account that they can send to others. It doesn't work for renewing a Paid acccount, doesn't work for userpics, can only be used to pay for a one-year account, and the coupon expires in the middle of January if not used.

Essentially, this is hardly a gift at all because all you can do with it is encourage people to spend money that they're not already spending. It's a blatant call for new people to take income from by SUP.

So rather than insult my friends by selecting who might want them and saying "Here, spend some of your money!", I'll offer them here. If anybody was going to upgrade to a Paid account anyway on LJ, let me know and I can send you one of these coupons to make it so you don't have to pay the full amount. If you reply on DW, let me know your LJ username so I can send it to the right place. This offer is open to anybody, not just friends of mine.

If you're enticed by the idea of having a one-year Paid account for $15 and weren't going to upgrade anyway, I can send you a coupon too - just ask - but I'd like to recommend that you try Dreamwidth instead of giving more money to LJ. Let me know if you'd like this and I can gift you an invite code to create a 2-month Paid account at DW, so you can see what it's like. You can crosspost to LJ, too.

Christmas used to be such a magical time for me. Back when I believed in things like world peace; that it was possible for there to exist a world without fighting, without hatred, without the things that make our planet such an unjust and unfair place to live.

I know differently now. Like it or not, hatred is everywhere. I cannot pretend that the world is a happy place; that everybody gets along with each other. They don't, and probably never did. Oppression still exists everywhere; since learning more about privilege and seeing how it plays such a big part in society, it's impossible not to see it.

This world is broken.

Christmas for me hasn't been the same as it used to be for a long time now. World peace, cultural understanding, and the acceptance of everybody, while *theoretically* possible, would take an extraordinary, extended effort from all the corners of the globe. It's just not going to happen.

I know that people will say that it can never happen with attitudes like that. And yes, that extraordinary, extended effort would include me as well, along with the faith necessary to tell myself that it's *worth* it.

But how can it be worth it when everybody else doesn't care/want to change? I'm not talking about Christianity here; I'm not a Christian. Rather, I'm just talking about things like being kind to others, recognising that people have differing beliefs and that's okay...

...I just realised something while writing that. By making this post, complaining about how world peace can never happen because people are different, I'm falling into the same trap.

...

...not sure where to go on from here.

A patch just got pushed into the Dreamwidth codebase that makes me squee. As of the next code push, there will be a way to post entries in communities visible only to the community admins!

Internally it uses the 'private' security setting, but it'll be displayed to admins and the option on the update page will say "Administrators". Only admins will be able to post these admin-only entries to communities, obviously.

I love Dreamwidth.

Transphobia for the lose. :(

(short story: I've been banned from a site I used to call my home for several years due to my being transgendered.)

For various reasons, I've lost all of the numbers on my mobile phone. So I'm going to need to get you all back in. :)

I've screened comments on this post (which should take effect on both DW and LJ), so if you want me to put your number back in, please post it as a comment! Alternatively, if you want me to know your number anyway even if I didn't have it, you can post that too if you want. ;p

Alternatively, if you know my number and don't want to leave your number here, send me a text saying who you are, and I'll add you. :)

Thanks, all. <3

So, in shocking news that I'm sure everybody will be surprised at (not), PayPal is being stupid.

I wanted to get my name changed on my PayPal account, which is still currently in my old name. They have a process for doing this, which requires that they have the documentation for the legal name change plus a form of government-issued ID - passport, driving license, etc.

Technically, I can get new government-issued ID with the new name. However, I cannot change the gender marker on the new ID without a letter from my GP to confirm that I'm seeking treatment for gender dysphoria - a letter that my GP refuses to write without hearing back from a psychiatrist which he's referring me to, even though he doesn't have to write *anything* that's not true. I do not want my ID to show the wrong gender with another name, because that would be stupid; it's not my identity.

So, I wrote to PayPal to explain this:

( My letter to PayPal )

Today, PayPal replied:

( PayPal's reply )

So, not only are they committing an offence by refusing to acknowledge my name change without ID, but they add insult to injury by insisting on addressing me via my old name in the greeting, despite that they *have* the statutory declaration.

Has anybody got any ideas on how to proceed with this?

Date: 2009-10-29 16:29 Security: Public Tags: dreamwidth Subject: Dreamwidth invites!

If you want a Dreamwidth invite, there are now a few options to get one.

Firstly, dw_codesharing has just got a lot more accessible; codes are now posted as-is in separate posts. If you want a code, check it out - there are more than likely going to be codes available right on the first page you see. No need to email anybody and ask!

Secondly, I do still have invites available myself. If you want an invite, let me know in a comment to this post - I've got at least 12.

Please spread the signal!

What is up with this depression of mine?

I haven't shaved for days. I can't seem to work up the motivation, and makes me unable to go out.

My thought patterns kind of go "Why do you need to go out?" / "Well, I... I need to do shopping." (me trying to think of a valid excuse for going out) / "What's the point?".

It always ends in that - "What's the point?". I just don't see much of a point in stuff lately. With shopping I can do it online, even grocery shopping. I don't need to risk going outside.

Because it is a risk. I know that I'm not up to snuff. But I'm not a guy, dammit, and I don't need anybody else rubbing it in my face.

Mostly though, I'm just unmotivated.

Not long ago, I had a thought that instead of making regular journal entries, I could make video blogs and put them on YouTube. It would force me to get up and present myself normally - shaving, showering, etc - yet not require me to actually go outside. I could do it in the privacy of my own room, and restrict it to friends.

But that hasn't happened, either. Again, "what's the point?".

I'm never going to beat my depression this way.

Does anyone out there have any recommendations for good domain registrars?

(please, no affiliate links!)

Dear LazyWeb,

I'm hoping somebody out there might know more information about a peculiar visual phenomenon that I've had all my life that I haven't been able to find any information on. I suspect it's probably quite common, but as I haven't been able to find any information on it, I don't know.

It's a temporary thing, normally lasting only a few seconds, and occurs when most often when I get up out of bed. Sometimes it triggers on moving to another (darker or lighter) room, but only if I've got accustomed to the light level in the room I was in. The effect is probably best described as a visual version of the 'pins and needles' effect you get when pressing on a nerve.

In these conditions, my vision starts to become filled with a kind of colourful 'static' effect - like the static effect you might see on an old TV that's not tuned to a channel, but finer and mostly blue/purple/red (in my case). It quickly fills almost my entire vision, blocking me from seeing almost everything and forcing me to stop what I'm doing until the effect passes. (Generally I can still see a tiny bit, but not nearly enough to do anything.) The effect lasts for about 5-10 seconds, after which it retreats and I can see again. After that, I'm fine.

It seems to happen when my body experiences changes that it's not been accustomed to for the past few hours. When I wake up, my vision can be fine, for example, even if I use the computer in bed or something. But when I get out of bed and start moving - bam, there it is.

LazyWeb, do you have any ideas?

Love and kisses,

- Sophie.

[edit: Thanks to everybody who responded on DW! It seems to be called orthostatic hypotension and is the result of a lack of blood pressure when somebody stands up. This seems to fit the description perfectly and a lot of people responding have the same thing.]

Just to let people know, I may not be online for a bit - it seems that my video card's fan has stopped, making it dangerous to have the computer on.

Hopefully I can get it fixed soon, though.

I didn't manage to get the GP letter yesterday. :/ The GP says that they can't write a supporting letter to help me change my gender on my passport/driving license without having heard from the GIC - ho I haven't got a referral to yet, mostly because of my on inaction. (though things are starting to roll now.)

The trans friend who I spoke to about this says that it's not true, and that he can. But he had said to me in no uncertain terms that he couldn't do that. She suggested that next time I go to the GP, I see a female doctor instead - though I don't know when would be a good time to set that up.

I also tried to get my details changed at the GP. They apparently weren't able to just do it straight off though - it needed to be sent higher up in the NHS (apparently true for all name changes). I asked if this would change the gender too, but the response I got seemed to indicate that it was up to the NHS. Somehow this doesn't fill me with confidence.

I'm to ring back next week to find out how the referral thing is going. At the same time I'll ask about what my details are like on the system, if I don't speak to them sooner. If I'm known as "Mr. Sophie Hamilton" then I will be annoyed.

On the plus side, I managed to get my details - both name and gender - changed on my Vodafone account. So that's another one down. :)